he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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