have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
