I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
