when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
