I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
