i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
