It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
3 2 1 whiskey
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
