How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's never too late to be topless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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