he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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