I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
