He had one of those small greek statue penises
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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