my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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