So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
