so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
