There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
