I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
