He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
