We're like a lot better than the average bears
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
