i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
