1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
