Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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