I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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