How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
