I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
