I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
