i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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