So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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