Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
