dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
