I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
