Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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