They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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