Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
