wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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