there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
