Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
