fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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