What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
