I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
