Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
