By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
