are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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