remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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