When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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