ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
