oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You pole danced in your parka.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
