so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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