Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
