I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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