So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
