In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
