3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
