take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize