nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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