I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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