everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
