just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
