i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
nutella sex= disaster
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
