A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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