you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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