he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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