ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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