TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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