You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
