We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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