if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
