Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
