So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
