Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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