the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
