Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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