this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
