so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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