i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
