I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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