saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
