Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just threw up on my dentist
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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