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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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