I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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