"it" just moved
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is my gift to your gina
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
