I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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