I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
