Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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