I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
