I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
