She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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