dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
