I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
