my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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